Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm like, not good at living.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound