I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Life without a bra equals bliss.