I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.