My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.