she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.