She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
