false alarm. still invincible.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
