She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
