i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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