glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
