I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
