did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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