Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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