Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
