Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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