I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
