When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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