Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
