Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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