Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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