i would punch a child for taco bell
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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