something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
