Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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