Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
