I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
