the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
