my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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