I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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