I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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