Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
