I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
