Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
