Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
