Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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