Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize