the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
