Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
