Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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