Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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