My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have post one night stand depression
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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