New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
