We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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