Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
