Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
