i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I will die if light touches me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
