I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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