so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
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In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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