I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
