That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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