dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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