So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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