so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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