Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
