btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My feet surprised me
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