Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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