she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
