the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
