Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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