id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
