Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
