Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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