I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
