Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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