I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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