Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.