Texts From Last Night

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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.

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  (204): all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future. http://tfl.nu/ob1b
  Replies (4) Good night (4027) Bad night (855)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.

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  (252): He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm. http://tfl.nu/eaqz
  Replies (58) Good night (2348) Bad night (6272)
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  (949): View more from California

  im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume

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  (949): im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume http://tfl.nu/ixw0
  Replies (27) Good night (1327) Bad night (4263)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day

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  (570): It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day http://tfl.nu/m1h1
  Replies (10) Good night (3906) Bad night (919)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (40) Good night (14860) Bad night (1253)
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  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

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  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (5422) Bad night (1369)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.

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  (404): I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit. http://tfl.nu/bfom
  Replies (5) Good night (1441) Bad night (3110)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.

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  (804): Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick. http://tfl.nu/rxn3
  Replies (17) Good night (4477) Bad night (1095)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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  (336): Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car. http://tfl.nu/8ezv
  Replies (11) Good night (2014) Bad night (1030)
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  (858): View more from California

  I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha

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  (858): I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha http://tfl.nu/4cqn
  Replies (4) Good night (1783) Bad night (1011)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.

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  (609): That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night. http://tfl.nu/lop5
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (1141)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.

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  (781): Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants. http://tfl.nu/zvak
  Replies (3) Good night (1089) Bad night (431)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?

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  (586): You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them? http://tfl.nu/w767
  Replies (2) Good night (875) Bad night (431)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.

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  (520): I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me. http://tfl.nu/9wk5
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (182)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.

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  (414): I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning. http://tfl.nu/3bbe
  Replies (1) Good night (123) Bad night (235)

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