So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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