dude you need to get laid
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights