Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
