You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
