Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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