...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
