apparently the secret to your success is patron
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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