Fuck appropriateness.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
