What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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