My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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