it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
