I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's the barista slut.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
