good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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